


Fluffy Peni and Noir Drabbles

by KeroZombie



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Cute, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Some crime solving in chapter 7, i know i listed it as completed but actually i'm gonna KEEP GOING FOREVER
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23700748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeroZombie/pseuds/KeroZombie
Summary: A collection of cute and fluffy drabbles featuring the dynamic duo!
Relationships: Peni Parker & Peter Benjamin Parker, Spiderfam - Relationship
Comments: 28
Kudos: 85





	1. Colors

**Author's Note:**

> I once read a great Zombieland Saga fic that was a collection of fun and cute drabbles. I thought I'd do the same here for Peni and Noir from Spider-Verse! :) Every drabble will be cute fluff featuring the dynamic duo!

Noir doesn't understand rhythm games like Peni does.

"No Noir, you gotta smack 'em in time with the music!"

"Why don't they have any _jazz_ in this damn place?"

Noir can't see the rainbow of technicolor lights rippling across the arcade. It's all just one flashing, sparkling mass of chaos to him.

"Here, let me take your hand, silly," Peni says as Noir almost walks face-first into a Flappy Bird simulator.

"Thanks, doll."

Noir can't even begin to understand how the glass box carries them up the side of the building like it does.

"You live in a crazy world, Peni."

"Miles has these too, Noir. They're called elevators."

"Can we ride it back down again once we've reached the top?"

"You don't like heights?"

"No, I think I love elevators."

Noir likes ice cream, even if he can't tell what color it is. Some things don't need to be understood to be enjoyed.

"Here," he says, handing her a cyan ice cream.

"Thanks!"

"Don't mention it."

"Though _I'm_ the one that paid for it."

"Definitely don't mention that."

She laughs, and Noir lets himself crack just a little smile as they settle down on a nearby bench.

"Do they have ice cream in your universe?" Peni asks.

Noir lifts his mask and has a small lick of his vanilla ice cream, "Since 1744."

"1744!?"

"Ice cream is older than you think."

There are a lot of things Noir doesn't understand about Peni's universe, but one thing he _does_ understand is that being with Peni makes his dark world a little bit brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically they had what we'd call elevators since the 1900s but they weren't popular till the 40s! Forgive me for bending the history books a bit in this one ;)


	2. Four Past Midnight

Midnight. The grandfather clock in Aunt May's house struck twelve. Noir was already awake, but Peni was still snoozing beside him on the couch. The others were upstairs.

"Peni… Peni."

Her eyelids fluttered. She looked around, confused, then she realized what time it was and her face became deadly serious.

"Let's go."

They crept out of the living room, Noir in front, Peni close behind. This time they'd catch the thief in the act, no matter the cost. The kitchen wasn't far away. All the exits were covered. He had nowhere to run.

In the darkness they heard the creak of a door being slowly opened. Clunks and clatters of bowls, plates and pans. No mistake: the thief was there.

"On my count," Noir whispered, "…3…2…1…"

They dived in, a blind leap. They hit the target and he went down like a sack of potatoes. Peni was on top of him. Noir was on top of Peni. They had him. Finally, they had him.

"Uh… guys?" came Miles' voice.

"Miles… I should've known," Noir replied, his voice stained with disappointment.

"I can explain!"

"Save it!" Peni barked, "If you didn't keep stealing all of Aunt May's cookies for yourself you wouldn't be in this position."

Then someone flipped the light on.

"What are you kids doing up so late? Is that… my cookie jar…?"

It was Aunt May.

"With great power comes great responsibility, Miles," Noir remarked.

"Don't think I'm letting you off the hook, young man."

"Yeah, Noir!" Miles added from underneath Peni's armpit.

Aunt May folded her arms, "Same goes for you, Miles."

"What about me?" Peni asked, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

"Hmm… well you _did_ fix my refrigerator last week… so I guess I can let you off."

"Does that mean I can have a cookie?"

"Don't push it."


	3. Quantum of Sustenance

It was a beautiful monochrome spring day in 1930s New York, and over at Noir's apartment Peni was paying her fellow spider-person one of her usual surprise visits. Often when she visited she'd come with a bag or two of candy to snack on, and today was no exception. She happily stuffed her face while Noir watched from across the room.

"Peni, I'm concerned about your diet."

She paused, clutching a ball of sugary goods in her hand, "Why?"

"I only ever see you eatin' candy."

"I eat more than candy, Noir," she replied, filling her cheeks like a chipmunk.

"You should try eating some of those Corn Flakes people are always talking about. Meant to be good for your health."

"We don't have Corn Flakes in my universe."

"What!? How can you not have Corn Flakes?"

"We've got Chocolate UFOs instead."

"But they've got chocolate in, right?"

She winked at him, "Exactly!"

Unperturbed, he scratched his chin through his mask, "How about All Bran?"

"Ew, no thanks."

"Porridge Oats?"

She screwed her face up in disgust.

He fiddled with his black gloves, "What's the vegetarian version of ham and eggs?"

"That just makes me think of Spider-Ham in a hen house…"

"You could have a fried breakfast."

"You're obsessed with breakfast."

"I don't eat lunch."

Peni put the bag of candy down, her face the perfect portrait of mock-concern, "You don't eat lunch?"

"Comes with the territory. Midday is for sleeping, and the night is-"

"You have to eat three meals a day, Noir," she scolded, shaking her finger at him.

"Well there's not just enough time in the day to-"

"What do you have for breakfast?"

"Hm?"

"For breakfast, what do you eat?"

He scratched the back of his neck, "A tin of beans."

"One tin of beans?"

"Sometimes half a tin."

" _Half_ a tin?" Now she was genuinely concerned, "But that's like, nothing! How do you survive?"

"Food costs money, doll, and that I ain't got."

She jumped off the couch, and after fishing various gizmos out of her backpack commanded, "Wait here."

"Where are you going?"

She opened up a portal in the middle of the room, "I'm going shopping."

She stepped into the glowing vortex and it blipped away into nothingness. Just a few seconds later the portal opened up again and Peni was back, "Sorry I took so long!"

"You were only gone a few seconds!"

"Wow, really? I was in my world for a whole week."

"A week!?"

"Spacetime is weird. Speaking of…"

She dropped her backpack on the floor.

"Go ahead! Open it."

Noir cautiously picked it up. He looked over at her and she beamed back with her usual cheer. Slowly, he unzipped the main pocket, then he put his hand inside.

"Tins?" he asked.

"Keep going."

"Bread… and… what's this?"

"Well I got you some ham. It's synthetic. Keeps for years."

"And eggs."

"Yeah, and eggs."

He started pulling the food out of the bag, stacking it all in a neat pile by his feet. It grew and grew as he rummaged through the bag. It was full of all kinds of food, any kind of food you could imagine. The pile got so high that he had to shuffle along the couch and start a second pile, then a third.

"How much is in this thing!?"

"Technically an infinite amount of food, but…"

"Did you just say… infinite?"

Peni smiled, "I used a little trick I learned from Ham. It's nothing fancy."

" _Ham_ made this?"

"Well he gave me the idea. I'd explain it to you but I don't think you'd get it."

"Try me."

"Ever heard of the Dirac Sea?"

"Where's that?"

"Uh…it's not a place. It's a theoretical model made to explain negative-energy quantum states."

Noir's confusion was evident even through his jet black mask.

Peni giggled, "Don't worry about it. Just enjoy the food."

Noir spent a moment gazing into the black void within Peni's backpack in silence, then he said, "Thanks doll. I really appreciate this."

She ran over and squeezed him into a big hug, "You're welcome. Now if you don't mind…" she walked back over to her half-eaten bag of candy and picked it up, "I've got a very strict diet to keep to!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one turned out longer than expected! But I had to see the idea through :D


	4. Hot Under The Collar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you get an idea pop into your head that's so ridiculous you just have to write it. This was one such idea.

Noir hunched over the laptop, its cold blue light washing over his mask, making his goggles shine like a pair of flashlights in Peter B's dimly lit one-room apartment. The others were out treating Mary Jane to a swing through the city, apart from Peni, who was giving Peter's place a much-needed spring clean. Or at least, she was _meant_ to be cleaning it. Noir could feel her eyes on him as he scrolled down the webpage with the 'mouse wheel'. He knew that the computer mouse wasn't a real mouse, but he couldn't shake the image from his mind.

"Found any good ones yet?" Peni asked him.

"I'm not sure…"

Noir still hadn't got used to the many colors of his friends' worlds. The black and white of the digital text was almost familiar compared to what awaited him out there.

"This webpage… Ao3… it's fiction, right?"

"Well, sort of. In their universe, we don't exist as real people."

"Wait, so are the stories fake, or are they not?"

"I mean-"

Suddenly the front door burst open and in flooded the rest of the spider-fam. While they were all laughing and chatting about their trip through the city, Noir couldn't tear his eyes away from the strange stories listed on the screen in front of him.

" _Be My Teacher_ , a Miles Morales/Peter B. Parker story…what, what is… oh my god…"

Peter B gave MJ a peck on the lips, "You know if it wasn't for these guys, and especially Miles, I would never have had the courage to-"

Noir stood up and slammed the laptop shut. Everyone froze. Then he pointed a finger at Peter, screaming at the top of his lungs, "YOU MONSTER!"

Peter was speechless. Peni was horrified. Everyone else was just confused.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO MILES? HE'S STILL A CHILD!"

MJ gave Peter a serious look.

"Whoa, slow down," he said, holding his hands up, "I have no idea what he's talking about."

Peni ran over to the laptop and opened it up again, "Noir! They're not real, see? They're just stories. Like Tom Sawyer, or, or-"

"Moby Dick," Gwen chimed in.

"Yeah!"

Noir took off his hat, "Boy do I look a fool right now."

"Don't sweat it," Miles reassured him, "it's not like you have the internet in your universe. Even in _my_ universe people have trouble telling what's real and what's not."

Noir stared into his hat, "So does this mean Ham _didn't_ once spend three weeks stuck in an antelope's toilet?"

Ham shuffled his feet nervously, "Nope, haha… that's…that's fake news through and through. A total lie."

Peter B clapped his hands together, "Well then, now that's settled, who wants some chocolate babka?"

While everyone went over to get a piece of the chocolatey cake, Peni went back to the laptop and checked through Noir's browsing history to see what stories he'd clicked on. To her surprise, almost all of them were fluff fics featuring her and Noir.

_You big dummy_ , she thought to herself.

When Noir came back with enough cake for the pair of them she gave him a big hug right away.

"Everything okay, doll?" he asked.

"If you want a hug that badly you can just ask, you know?"

He didn't offer a reply. Peni could read his embarrassment even through his mask.

_Maybe getting him to read fanfic wasn't such a bad idea after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for writing Noir slightly OOC but this idea spoke to me on a spiritual level and I had no choice but to oblige :P


	5. The Babysitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noir pays a visit to Peni's house.

Peni had finally hit her limit. Noir should never have let her drink that last bottle of soda.

"Come on Noir, let's dance!" she said, pulling him off the couch and into the middle of her living room floor.

"But there's no music."

Her thumbs tapped away at her phone screen at a machine gun pace and soon some modern music he'd never heard before was blasting out of the speakers, as clear as if the band was right there in the room with them.

_Young man! There's no need to feel down-_

"Peni, what is this?"

"You don't know it?"

_I said young man!_

"No."

"I thought I went back far enough."

_There's no need to be unhappy!_

"Well you di- WHOA!"

She grabbed his hands and whizzed off round the room. She ran around in circles, climbed over the chairs, made him assist her in doing a pirouette. Her pet spider danced too, racing back and forth across her arm, occasionally swinging to and fro on its little web.

"Alright now let me climb on your shoulders and _then_ we spin around!" Peni said, already halfway up Noir's back.

"Peni I don't think that's a good - HEY watch the hat!"

She shoved Noir's hat on her head and clung to him like a monkey clinging to its mother.

"I'm dizzy already!" she laughed.

"You're drunk."

"You can't get drunk on soda, Noir. It's science. You know I know science. I've got so much science in my brain. Do you know how much science I have in here? A lot. It's a lot of science. Man why are there so many _words_ in my head?"

"Okay Peni I think it's time-"

"WHYYY EMMM CEE AAAAAYYYY!"

Noir wasn't ready for her to start singing so loudly so close to his ear. He stumbled backwards. His foot hit the side of the couch. He tottered, tilted, fell over the arm and down into the cushions, smooshing Peni beneath him. He rolled off as quick as he could and practically whiplashed his neck to check that his spider-buddy was okay.

"Peni!?"

She clutched her gut and started laughing hysterically.

"That was AWESOME!" she said, "Can we do it again?"

Noir sighed, but under his mask he couldn't stop himself smiling. The kid sure had plenty of energy.

"All right," he relented, "I suppose one more time can't hurt."

* * *

When Peni's Uncle Ben and Aunt May returned they found the dynamic duo crashed out on the floor, covered in cushions and empty soda bottles.

"Should we wake them?" Ben asked.

"Let them sleep," May replied, "Besides, she deserves a day off."

"You're right. Maybe I should get her a pillow, though."

May looked at Peni sleeping beside Noir, her head resting softly on his chest, "I think she's already found her own."


	6. Left Field

"Could you hand me a wrench, Noir?" Peni asked, her legs dangling out of the top of her mech.

He picked a wrench up off a nearby workbench and climbed up a little stepladder Peni had left out. Her upper body dipped into the mech's cockpit. Noir couldn't tell what she was achieving by messing around with the various knobs and panels inside the machine, but he trusted she knew what she was doing. He passed the wrench down to her.

"Thanks."

Then a thought occurred to him, "Peni, your mech is called SP//dr, right?"

"That's right."

"But people call _you_ SP//dr when you're in it."

"Yep."

"So you're both called SP//dr?"

"Sort of."

"Then what's your spider called?"

"Oh he's called SP//dr too."

"You gotta be kiddin' me."

"Nope."

"Doesn't it get confusing?"

"Not really. We're usually in the mech at the same time anyway."

"But when you're not?"

"Then people call me Peni."

Noir stroked his chin.

"So… what should I call you now?"

She paused, "…what?"

"Well you're half in the mech, right?"

For a second the room fell into total silence, then she replied, "Did you… did you just crack a joke?"

Noir quickly hopped off the stepladder, "Just let me know if you need any more tools."

Peni laughed, "Don't worry, I will."


	7. The Big Guns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one ended up sounding a little more serious than I intended! Sorry for the brief digression from Maximum Fluffiness!

"All right wise guy, keep your hands where I can see 'em," Noir growled, pointing his gun straight at the crook's head.

"Jeez, can't a guy mug a dame in peace?"

"Raise your hands. I won't say it again."

The mugger shoved his hands in his pockets. The woman he'd been attacking had long since run off. Peni stepped up beside Noir, giving the criminal the nastiest death stare she could muster.

The crook laughed, "What, so it's take your daughter to work day now?"

Noir didn't lower the gun, "I'm gonna give you to the count of three. After that I can't be responsible for what she does."

"What _she_ does? You kiddin' me? This little squirt's meant to scare me?"

Peni crossed her arms and scowled at the mugger.

"One," Noir began.

"If you're gonna shoot me, do it."

"Two."

"We both know you ain't got the stones to fire that thing."

"Three."

Suddenly a huge, red beast leapt over Noir's head and crashed down in front of the small-time crook. Flaming red eyes stared at him hungrily through the darkness. He tried to run, but sharp claws pinned him to the wall. Then a hideous, inhuman voice snarled at him, "I've come to take you to hell, little man."

He fainted on the spot, his fedora falling off his head and into a puddle on the floor.

SP//dr span around and gave Peni a cheeky wink.

"See Noir?" said Peni, "You don't need guns to scare people."

"But you _do_ need an enormous mech."

"Fair point."

"Wanna get some ice cream? Scaring the crap outta that lowlife has put me in a good mood."

"I'll never say no to ice cream!"

"Well then, let's deliver this putz to the coppers and get a couple of scoops on the way home. I know a place."

"Do they have blueberry flavor?"

"No, but they have chocolate."

"I'll take it."


	8. Bed Bugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a few days out to focus on my other Peni story but now it's time for more drabbles! :D This one was begging to be written.

It was a dark, stormy night in Noir's universe and the monochrome detective was getting some much needed shut-eye on his beaten up old couch. Peni was in his bedroom. She always told him to keep the bed, and he always refused. Yet, as tired as he was, he just couldn't get any sleep. Every crackle of thunder, every thump of rain on his rattly old windows sent his mind into overdrive. Yet no matter how much he strained his ears he didn't hear any crimes or calls for help. Just the steady hiss of rain outside.

He punched his pillow a couple of times to work out the lumps then settled his head back down and got comfy - as comfy as he could, anyway. His living room was freezing cold and he only had his coat for a blanket. It was gonna be a long night.

Then his ears _did_ pick up something. A sudden intake of breath. Creaky springs. Creaky floorboards. Someone was approaching, but his spider-sense was silent.

His bedroom door opened. He could feel the (slightly) warmer air drifting over his bare feet. Heavy breathing.

"Peni?" he asked the darkness.

The sudden patter of her footsteps running over to him answered his question.

"I… had a nightmare," she said, her voice shaky.

He lifted his hat from his eyes, "I understand."

She stood there in front of him silently, her pale face illuminated by the flickering streetlight outside. He knew he was meant to say something at times like this, but damned if he knew _what_.

"Do you uh… wanna talk about it?"

She nervously played with her pajamas, "Actually I was wondering if, maybe…I could sleep with you tonight?"

"On the couch? It's a bit small."

"I know, but-"

"I promise, there's nothing to be afraid of in there."

"I know it's just my imagination but it's all scary and black and white and I just, I can't-"

"Okay, okay, I'll uh, I dunno, I suppose I could…uh-"

"Can't we just share the bed? Then you haven't gotta sleep on the couch. Please, Noir."

He could _hear_ her puppy dog eyes, and they were just as powerful as ever.

"All right, we can share the bed if you want. Just give me a minute to make myself decent. I'm not wearing any pants under here."

He waited for her to turn around and look the other way but she just stood there, staring at him.

"I can't take the coat off if you're looking, doll."

"Can I close my eyes instead? The shadows by your door are kinda scary too."

"I never knew you were so afraid of the dark."

"It was a really bad nightmare."

"Don't worry, I get it. Now, close your eyes for a minute would ya? Cos trust me, my underwear is more horrifying than anything your dreams can cook up."

That got a giggle out of her. _Good_ , Noir thought, _I'm starting to get the hang of this humor thing_.

He scooped his pants up off the floor and dragged them on.

"Okay, I'm dressed now. Time to get you to bed."

She opened her eyes and followed him to the bedroom. It was nearly pitch black in there but for a tiny sliver of moonlight trickling in from between the curtains. Noir noticed her spider sitting on top of the pillow, waiting for them.

"Which side do you want?" Noir asked, although it was only a single bed.

"I wanna face the window."

It made sense; of course she'd prefer the side with more light on it. Noir watched her climb into bed, then he flopped down beside her after SP//dr had moved out of the way.

"I know it's a bit cramped…" he said.

"I don't mind."

He took his hat and placed it over his face, blocking out the room's dim light light completely. Cramped as it was, the bed was still ten times more comfortable than the sofa - and warmer, too. Maybe he really _would_ get some sleep.

"Noir?" came Peni's voice.

"Yeah?"

"Can SP//dr sleep on your hat?"

"My _hat_? Uh, sure, why not."

He felt the little spider clamber up the side of his hat and nestle on top of it.

"Thanks," Peni replied.

"Don't mention it."

He shifted the blankets so they fully covered his feet and adjusted himself so that the lumps in the mattress weren't poking into his back.

_There_ , he thought, _that should do it._

Then he felt Peni turn over and snuggle up to him.

"Noir?" she said.

"…Yeah?"

"Thanks for keeping me company, too."

He smiled, "Anytime."

And so with Peni's arm round his chest and her spider on his hat, Noir let his consciousness gently drift off into the darkness.

He slept like a baby.


	9. String Theory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have time to write more drabbles! This one popped into my head last week :)

Everyone in the Spider-Fam knew Peni was a genius. What they _didn't_ know was that she had never learned to tie her shoes.

In her universe it didn't matter if she couldn't do it. Aunt May always tied them for her before she left the house, and untied them for her when she got back. In her friends' universes, however, it was a different story. If they had to take their shoes off in someone's house, Peni always made sure to tug her shoes off with the laces still neatly tied. It damaged the shoes but it didn't damage her image, and that was all that mattered. She wasn't egotistical - far from it, but she knew how much respect everyone had for her intelligence, how much they _trusted_ her to solve technical problems. How could anyone trust a girl who couldn't even tie her own laces? Sure, they'd understand, but they'd never look at her the same again.

"Peni, you comin'?" called Miles from down the hall. They were at Mary Jane's house in Peter B's universe. She'd been inviting the gang over a lot lately, and Peni appreciated it. It could get lonely back in her world, but when she was with the others she really felt like she _belonged_.

"Just a second!" she called back, struggling with her shoe. Her Aunt May had tied the laces too tightly back on Earth-14512 and now it just wouldn't come off. She felt like she was gonna dislocate her foot with the amount of force she was applying to the stupid thing.

"You alright, doll?"

Peni froze. Noir was behind her. How long had he been there?

"Yeah…" she began, "just tied the laces a bit too tight."

He didn't reply. Peni knew she had to untie the laces, but if she did that, how would she get them tied up again? She could ask Miles, maybe, as he often _chose_ to go with them untied, so he probably wouldn't judge her. But then he'd wanna tell the others too, and Peni wasn't ready for that.

"You sure you're okay?" came Noir's voice again. Peni didn't realize she'd just been sitting there, doing nothing.

"Just thinking."

"You keep the laces tied up even when your shoes are off, huh?" he commented, clearly noticing the other shoe, which she'd managed to get off her foot.

"It's faster than doing and undoing them over and over again, you know?"

He crouched down and wrapped his arms around her. Peni thought he was coming in for a hug, but then he started untying her laces.

"Noir, what're you-"

But it was too late, her laces were already undone.

"Noir, seriously, you didn't need to do that."

"I know how stubborn you are."

"Like you _aren't_ stubborn."

"I wasn't gonna stand by and watch you struggle with that shoe."

"It would've come off eventually. Now I'm gonna have to try and tie them up again."

"Are they fancy laces? Like futuristic ones with sciencey stuff in 'em?"

"No, they're normal laces but-"

"But you don't know how to tie them," he stated.

"I didn't say that."

Ignoring her reply, he reached over and held up the two untied laces, "Tying your shoes is simpler than you think. First, you take the laces like this, then you put one over the other."

"Noir-"

"Then you pull 'em tight. That's what you call a simple knot."

"I already know all this."

"Then," he continued, "you make a loop with one of the laces, and you wrap the other round it, like so."

Peni could feel how red her face had become. Was it really that obvious that she couldn't tie her laces?

"Noir, please, stop. I know _how_ to tie them… my hands just don't wanna do it. I know I made the goober that time, but that was when I was in the mech. When it's just me, it's… I dunno…"

He waited for a moment, the laces still in his hands. Peni could hear the others having a good time down the hall. Pretty soon they were gonna get suspicious.

"My Uncle Ben taught me how to tie my shoes," Noir said quietly, "it took me forever to get it right."

Peni watched in frustration as Noir re-tied the laces on her remaining shoe. She thought she'd just ended up back at square one, but after Noir had finished she realized the laces were tied loosely enough that she could slip the shoe off with ease. She sighed in relief.

"Thanks, Noir."

He patted her head, "It's not weak to ask for help. Even I still have to remind myself of that sometimes."

"You won't tell the others, will you?"

"You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I know, but…"

Noir adjusted his hat, "Your secret's safe with me. Now come on, we better join the others before they take all the snacks for themselves."

She smiled, "When it comes to snacks, I never lose."

"That's fightin' talk."

"You don't pick the ballroom, right?"

"Couldn't have put it better myself."

Peni wasn't quite ready to tell the others her secret yet. But until then, at least she knew she could always rely on Noir.


	10. An Immovable Object

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so busy working on my 'Along Came a SP//dr' story that I didn't have time for any other writing! But this idea just demanded to be written! This will be the last drabble in this collection - I have other cute Peni & Noir ideas but they're all much longer stories. Even this one ended up being 2k words! I'm not saying I'll never add more drabbles, but my focus will be on other stories for a while and this last chapter seemed like a good one to end on. There'll be plenty more Peni and Noir fluff coming, it'll just be in longer oneshots and things like that :) thanks for reading my little collection!

Noir was worried about Peni. For the whole day she'd been sitting in the corner staring at some glowing screen thing Miles had brought over to Aunt May's house. Now it was night time and all the others had gone back to their own universes, except for Miles, who was shacked up in the original Spider-Man's old bedroom.

Noir stared at Peni from across the living room. She seemed so engrossed in what she was doing that he was afraid to disturb her, like when someone's sleepwalking - god only knows what would happen if he broke the spell. Once or twice he reached out, almost gave her a tap on the shoulder, but then he thought better of it. Peni was a smart girl, she knew what she was doing.

But she hadn't really said much of anything to anyone all day. The most Gwen got out of her was a 'yeah', and even to Aunt May Peni only offered up a smile and a 'No thanks' when May offered some of her special wheatcakes.

Noir nearly jumped out of his overcoat when a voice from behind him said, "I take it you're staying the night too, young man?"

"May…" Noir sighed in relief, "you scared the living daylights out of me."

She laughed, "You need to learn to relax."

"Maybe you're right."

"I've got a sleeping bag under the stairs and some of Ben's old thermal socks as well, in case you're the type to get cold feet of an evening. I keep the pillow Peni likes in a little bag to stop it getting dusty."

"Actually, about Peni-" he tried to say, but she was already half way up the stairs.

"See you in the morning! Make sure you turn all the lights out before you go to bed - and don't steal any of my cookies!"

He heard her bedroom door click closed on the floor above.

"…wouldn't dream of it."

Now it was just him and Peni and that damn screen, glowing in the darkness like a haunted mirror.

"Peni," he whispered, "can you hear me?"

Her face was buried in the device. All he could see was the back of her head as she sat cross-legged on the floor.

"We should probably get some sleep. Want me to get your pillow?"

Nothing.

"Peni? Peni?" he called out.

It was like he didn't exist. That settled it. He had to solve this, he had to find out what monstrosity Miles had accidentally gifted to her

"Peni, what on Earth are you doing over there?"

Then he saw it. A multicolor nightmare scrolling past his eyes. He couldn't see the colors but he knew they were there by the way his eyes could barely focus on the chaos unfolding on the screen.

"Animal… Crossing…?"

Upon hearing those words Peni finally turned and faced him. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her face as pale as a full moon, "Do you play it too, Noir?"

"What? No, Peni, you need to put that thing down. Do you even know what time it is?"

"1am. The game tells me. There's a little clock in the corner."

"It's a game?"

"I'm making frying pans."

"Frying pans? What kinda game is that?"

"I need to pay off my loan, Noir. Today's Hot Item is frying pans and they sell for a LOT of money."

"You're too young to have a loan."

"Not in the game I'm not. So far I've made 1.2 million bells."

"My god…"

"Impressive, right?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I need to get to 2mil before Sunday so I can buy lots of turnips."

The more she spoke the less he understood, but one thing was certain: he had to get her to bed ASAP.

"Peni, turn that game off. It's time for bed."

"Just let me make a few more frying pans."

"How many more?"

"Thirty. Actually I might need to visit a distant island first."

"Right, that's it. I'm sorry Peni."

Noir swooped down and snatched the alien device out of her hands. The screen's glow dashed over the wall like a frantic searchlight in the darkness. Peni looked up at Noir in horror.

"Give it back!"

"You need to sleep!"

She hopped up and down trying to take it back but Noir held it out of her reach.

"It's for your own good, doll."

"I have _frying pans_ to make!"

He held her back, "I'm sorry Peni, but you can't have it."

"Noir _please!_ I'm one payment away from having a whole mansion!"

"You're letting the capitalism get to your head!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm _not_ , now give it back!"

"I'm getting your pillow."

Noir charged through the shadows to the cupboard under the stairs. He jammed the device into his inner coat pocket and pulled the cupboard door open. But as he peered inside he felt his coat being yanked off of him from behind.

"Peni!"

"I need to save my game!"

"I'm getting your _pillow_."

"Noir if I don't save it I'll lose all my progress! Just let me save it and I'll turn it off, I _promise_."

He knew if he turned around now she'd be giving him those puppy dog eyes like she always did when she wanted to twist his arm. And he knew that if he let himself look into those eyes, even if only for a second, he'd have no choice but to give into her demands.

"You should go brush your teeth."

"Noir, come on!"

He found the pillow.

"Here," he said, holding it out behind him, "Go put that on the couch. I'll bring the blanket."

Suddenly she went quiet. Noir's gut wanted him to turn around and see what was going on, but his head knew it was a trap.

He followed his gut.

"Noir…" Peni said, her eyes all big and watery, "I'm so close to selling enough frying pans…"

She had him right where she wanted him.

"Alright," he sighed, "but only until I've found the blanket."

"Thanks!" she smiled, snatching the glowing object from his hands and diving onto the living room couch. He was probably never gonna get that thing off of her now.

After rifling around in the cupboard for a while he found the blanket. It was more than big enough for Noir, let alone Peni. It'd probably make a king size bed feel small. It was heavy, too. He carried it into the living room where Peni was still absorbed in her game.

"I've found the blanket," he announced.

"Cool, just lay it on me."

"You gonna turn that thing off?"

"I can play in bed."

"That's not how sleeping works."

"You're starting to sound like Peter."

"Porker?"

" _Ha ha_."

"No I'm serious."

"I'm at twenty-nine frying pans now. Just dump the blanket on me. I'll be done in no time."

"Did you brush your teeth?"

"Not yet."

"You don't want 'em to fall out."

"I could just grow new ones."

"You only get two sets."

"Actually my family always gets three."

"…oh."

"Yeah, weird family trait."

"Well how about you go brush 'em anyway and I'll sort the couch out for you."

"You won't be sleeping on the couch too?"

"Not if you still have that thing on. Just looking at it gives me a headache."

She paused, disappointment clear on her face even in the darkness.

"Okay," she said, "I'll brush my teeth as long as you promise not the touch the game."

"You have my word."

She dashed upstairs, leaving the glowing device on the floor by the couch. Noir did his best to keep it out of his line of sight as he laid Peni's pillow of choice on the arm of the chair. Then came the blanket. The thing was so huge it swallowed up almost the entire sofa, but it still looked thin enough to not make you break out in a sweat overnight. Not that Noir usually had that problem. His home back in his universe was so drafty and cold he'd _kill_ for a blanket that could make him warm enough to sweat. He had to sleep in his day clothes just to stave off the shivers.

"Back!" Peni declared cheerfully as she ran into the living room. She immediately picked up her game and started tapping away at the buttons on the strange device. Noir realized that in all the kerfuffle he'd completely forgotten to get a sleeping bag for himself. He headed back to the cupboard under the stairs.

"Where are you going, Noir?" came Peni's voice.

"To get my sleeping bag, and probably some thermal socks."

"You sure you don't wanna sleep on the couch?"

"I don't wanna interrupt your game."

"I've already turned it off."

He looked over his shoulder. Sure enough, the blinding glare that had filled the room was now gone. Now the only light was that of the moon, drifting in through the cracks in the curtains.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable with the couch to yourself?"

"Are you serious?" Peni replied, "What about you? Wouldn't _you_ be more comfortable sharing it with me rather than sleeping on the floor?"

She had a point, but at the same time he was used to sleepless nights. If she was just offering out of sympathy then he had to refuse.

He heard her throw the covers off, "Come on, there's plenty of room."

"I dunno…"

"Pleeeease?"

He could _hear_ her puppy dog eyes.

"Well, if you're sure."

And so he climbed onto the couch and wriggled himself deep into the cushions, giving Peni plenty of space to snuggle up beside him. He still had all his clothes on, because he refused to let himself be indecent when sharing sleeping arrangements with Peni, though he allowed himself the comfort of removing his worn-out mask and goggles.

"You're just embarrassed about the silly underwear you've got on," she joked.

"My underwear is _not_ silly."

"Well then it should be. There's no excuse for having boring underwear when you're a superhero."

Her messy hair tickled his nose.

"Did you make all the frying pans you wanted?" he asked.

"I made about 1.5 million bells worth."

"That sounds like a lot."

"Yeah it's a lot."

"What are you gonna spend all that money on?"

"Turnips," came the immediate reply.

"Seems like an odd thing to drop 1.5mil on."

"They call it the Stalk Market."

"Ah, like on Wall Street."

"Yeah."

Noir was starting to regret keeping all his clothes on. He was getting very, very warm. He'd forgotten how much heat builds up when you sleep with another person.

"You should make a character, Noir. We could live on the island together."

"I don't think I could look at that thing for more than a few seconds."

"I could make you some special goggles. We could chop trees together and grow rare flowers."

"Rare flowers, huh?"

"Mhm," she mumbled, sounding sleepier by the second, "and… we could fish… I have lots of bait to give you."

"I was never any good at fishing. I don't have sea legs."

"Well you can dig up fossils then… I'll teach you how…"

"Sounds great, Peni."

She didn't say any more. Noir listened as her breathing became softer and steadier. With every breath her chest lifted his arm just a little, like a ship bobbing on the ocean. He'd done it, he'd finally got her to go to sleep.

_It only took all day_ , Noir thought with a wry smile. Was he that energetic when he was a kid? He couldn't remember. It felt like so long ago. He'd forgotten what it was like to be innocent. Peni had seen her fair share of tragedy too, yet she still had all that energy and sparkle.

_Maybe I could learn a thing or two._

He let his head sink into the pillow, Peni's hair stroking his cheek, and drifted into a deep, restful sleep. He dreamed of palm trees and coconuts, flowers and fishes, and, inexplicably, stack upon stack upon stack of frying pans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for now! As I said in my first note, there may be updates from time to time if a great super short story idea pops into my head but I'll be putting my focus on longer fluffy stories now, as well my other Peni fic! Thank you so much for reading!


	11. Fit For A King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peni and Noir go hat shopping!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know I listed this story as completed, but I wanna add more drabbles to it again. I don't know how often that'll be, but either way I'll actually be keeping them as close to 100 words as possible now xD Thank you to all the people who have read this story collection so far! The response has been absolutely unbelievable and it blows my MIND the amount of hits, kudos and comments this thing has. Thank you so much :)

They say the hat makes the man.

"Noir, look! This one's pink!"

You can't get a finer hat than a fedora. No one looks bad in a Borsalino.

"How do you feel about leopard print?"

The hat he's wearing right now was mail-ordered from Sears. Not quite as flashy, but it does the trick.

"Noir?"

He looks down at Peni, who is holding a purple fedora with skulls printed all over it, "I'm not sure, doll. This time I want something a little… _different_."

The store clerk appears from behind a rack of coats, "Might I suggest this?"

He hands Noir a pure black hat with a white bow tied round the crown.

"Now that's more like it."


	12. Special Interest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peni attempts to cook mushrooms for Noir, but gets a bit carried away with her newfound hyperfixation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got created via an incredibly surreal writing exercise involving pastiche and lots and lots of editing. I didn't expect it to become something I could use for fanfic but the minute I thought about it I KNEW that was the direction I had to take it in!

Peni carefully cut up the mushroom caps with a child-friendly safety knife Aunt May had left out for her. Noir stood beside her patiently as she explained the process.

"The honey mushroom," her knife clunked against the cutting board, "is a parasitic fungus. It likes hardwood trees. Some varieties are saprotrophs, feeding on already dead trees. Ringless honey mushrooms, for example, grow exclusively on rotting wood. Either way, expect the tree you find them near to be dead or dying."

"Seems kinda morbid."

She picked up another handful of caps to chop, "Mushrooms are cold-blooded killers, Noir. Did you know they're not even plants?"

"You're kidding me."

"Nope," her knife wormed its way through the toast-brown fungi, "They have more in common with humans than they do plants."

"That's terrifying."

She dropped her freshly chopped mushrooms into a pan containing a few stray chunks of butter. Noir scratched his stubbled chin, "Didn't realize you were so into nature."

"I'm not. I'm just into mushrooms."

"Can't say I relate."

"Don't like mushrooms?"

"Don't understand 'em."

Peni furrowed her brows, "What do you mean?"

"I just don't get 'em. I mean look at the damn things - they're like something from a horror movie. And aren't most of 'em poisonous?"

She thought about it for a moment, then went back to arranging her ingredients in the pan, "Some of them."

"But not honey mushrooms?"

"Well… there are lookalikes than can kill you, but as long as you're careful."

"Right…"

She smiled, "I'm not gonna kill you Noir, don't worry."

He leaned on the counter, "I was just wondering how you can tell this one's a real honey mushroom, and not a lookalike."

"For starters," she said, swishing her knife through the air as she gestured towards him, "you look for the obvious markers. Like the ring. Almost all honey mushrooms have a ring on the stem - apart from ringless honey mushrooms."

"So what do you-"

She didn't let him finish, "In those cases you can look for the other dead giveaway: five o'clock shadow."

Noir stared at her, "Five o'clock shadow? On a mushroom?"

"It's like little hairy marks on the cap," she said, making a sprinkling motion with her free hand.

Noir hummed, "I see."

Mushrooms were even more confusing than he ever imagined.

Peni began stirring the mushrooms around with the blocks of butter. The butter hadn't melted yet, so her stirring didn't do much, but she was having so much fun that Noir didn't have the heart to tell her.

"Armillaria tabescens," she explained, "is one of the most prolific edible varieties of honey mushroom. The caps are convex to flat once mature, around one to four inches across. Sometimes it's kinda yellow, other times it's varying shades of brown. Some species have scales on the cap, too."

"Like fish?"

"No, definitely not like fish."

Noir found himself strangely disappointed. If mushrooms tasted like fish then he'd eat them all the time.

"Another important honey mushroom identification feature is the attachment of the gills."

Noir pointed at Peni, "Now see here! You told me they aren't like fish!"

"They aren't! It's not the same as fish gills. They look more like needles, or wrinkles. You know the little lines under the mushroom cap?"

"Those are gills?"

She nodded proudly, "That's right! You've always gotta check the gills when it comes to honey mushrooms. It's the only way to know if it's gonna taste good, be boring — or dissolve your liver."

"What!?"

"Not literally."

She held her hand over the pan and frowned, "It's cold."

Noir stared at the unmelted butter, "Peni…"

She examined the dials on the cooker and groaned in exasperation, "Oh my god, I forgot to turn the heat on!"

"I… thought you knew."

She glared at him, "You knew the heat was off!?"

"Sorry doll."

She rubbed her face and sighed. A few stray giggles escaped her as she shook her head, "No, it's my fault."

"You want me to help?"

There was a pause, then Peni, running a hand through her messy hair, replied, "Maybe… that'd be good…"

Noir rested a gloved hand on her shoulder, "Let's get cooking."

Together they sauteed the mushrooms like a pair of pros. They came out golden brown just like the picture on Peni's phone. Along with Aunt May they ate their spoils in the back yard under the midday sun.

And none of their livers dissolved.


End file.
